today's message is brought to you by the letter A.

I may not like this life so much... but it's mine. It's the only one I've got, so I'm going to make the best of it.

I may not like this body so much... but it's mine. It's the only one I get, so I'm going to take care of it.

I may not like being alone so much... but I deserve the best. So I'm going to wait till I find someone who treats me like a princess.

I may not like my job so much... but it's what keeps food in my mouth and gas in my car, I'm lucky to be employed when so many people aren't. So even though it's a minimum wage job, I'll work my ass off, pay my dues, and eventually I'll move onto something better.

I may not like living in this small town (see why) ....wait, no. There's really nothing I can say that's positive about this. Except I guess I'm glad I have a place to live and a sweet air mattress to sleep on. Still... this place sucks.

Self awareness is important, it's what gets us through our dailies. I remember being young and stupid (funny how those words so often go together) and feeling awkward and unattractive. Constantly on myself for being too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall. My legs were too long, my nose too big, my ears stuck out too much (which they really do, that's why I keep my hair long), my toes looked weird, my nails looked funny, my boobs were too big, they were too small, I have no ass, my teeth are crooked, they're yellow, are they too big? my eyes are two different colors, will anyone notice? ... on and on and on and on. Thing is, having self confidence is what makes you attractive. Your personality is what people notice. Yeah yeah, the first impression thing is true. You do tend to get more positive receptions with a cheerful persona and clean, put together outfit than you do with scowls and a trench coat. But if you're personality shines through when you open your mouth, that's what people remember, that's what they walk away with. And yeah okay, I will admit, I'm kinda vain. Especially about my hair. I actually had a dream last night that someone tried to cut all my hair off and were chasing me with a pair of scissors and I woke up hyperventilating. Fucking terrifying... I digress. But that comes after 10 years of looking like a fucking scarecrow. Seriously. Once I hit that pre-puberty (I think they call it "tweens" now?) stage all the way up through half of high school.... I was goofy looking. And not just a little goofy, A LOT goofy. For example in 7th grade I decided to cut all my hair off. It was shoulder length and I did that weird pixie/lesbian looking thing. And, if you know me at all, you know when I don't straighten my hair it gets curly and wavy, and POOFY. Yeah, that short... it just got poofy. Omg I looked like a boy with boobs. And braces. And weird, freakishly proportioned legs and no torso. Don't believe me? HAH. Proof.

(*Note the Beanie Baby collection. Man, how fucking cool was I?)

This would be my 14th birthday, after the hair had a little chance to grow out.

Then I went onto this senior year...

Which I have to say, looking back, I looked purty damn good.

Except I didn't think so.

fuck. I wish my face looked that young now.

You may think it does, but trust me, it doesn't.

And eventually the person you see before you that we all know and love.

I paid my dues as a goofy looking kid. (man, seriously. wtf) Self confidence** is sexy! Being comfortable in your own skin and owning it is such a turn on. Pair that with a rockin' personality and you are sex on wheels.  The first step is learning to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

**Self confidence not to be confused with cockiness. There is a line between being confident and being a conceited fuckwad. Learn the difference.