v. re·gret·ted, re·gret·ting, re·grets
v.tr.
1. To feel sorry, disappointed, or distressed about.
2. To remember with a feeling of loss or sorrow; mourn.
v.intr.
To feel regret.
n.
2. A feeling of disappointment or distress about something that one wishes could be different.
3. regrets A courteous expression of regret, especially at having to decline an invitation.
When I was younger I always used to brag about how I'd live my life with no regrets. No regrets, no regrets. As if, no matter what I did, I was untouchable. At that point the worst thing I'd ever done was get too drunk and make a total ass out of myself. No regrets, no regrets. Because I saw myself as young forever, immortal, bulletproof. Bad things happened to other people, but not to me. If it was bad, and it happened to me, it was a great excuse to party harder and to extract other people's attention. [wah my life sucks. wah pay attention to me, I'm gonna cry. wah watch my eyeliner make streaks down my face.] But that was it. It was a minor blip on the radar.
No regrets, no regrets...
I look in the mirror now and I see myself as I really am... not how everyone else sees me. I reflect back to them this ...youthful facade that isn't anywhere near the truth. Strangers see me and they see a 17 year old, an 18 year old... Someone who has barely tasted life. Someone who still has the smell of carefree summers and bubblegum on them. Someone who still has the sand between their toes and boy band lyrics on their lips. Someone who has kissed two boys, and gone to second base with only one of them. Someone who still wears underwear her mother bought her that have the days of the week on them.
But that's not me.
The last time my mom bought me underwear I ended up with a black lace thong with a bow tie in the front that had no other practical purpose than to look sexy.
yeah, still haven't gotten to wear those.
oh, and stop telling me I'm still young, I've got time. I am aware that I'm still young, I'm not a complete fucking idiot. But I'm not that young....
fuck.
I'd like to say I stuck to the promise I made to myself. That I'd have no regrets. That I'd be 60 and be able to look back at it all and say, "yeah, I did some fucked up shit. Some of it really sucked... but I don't regret a minute of it. At least I learned something."
but I can't.
I've hurt too many people. I've thrown away too many good opportunities. I've hurt myself too much. I made an irreparable crack somewhere inside myself that will never heal quite right. I've lost some of the moments that should have meant the most to me... and there's no magic rewind button that can take me back to them. They exist only in my head, in the broken shards of my memory. A thousand I'm sorry's, every minute, of every day, for all of time still wouldn't fix it.
But hey, you know what... I'm okay with it. The decisions I've made make me who I am now... and I'm pretty much awesome. You can't go back, you can't change the past. It is what it is... life happens. So instead of sitting around moping about it, why not make the best of the stupid shit you've done? Use it to your advantage instead of wasting the energy on making it into a weakness.
I can't say I've lived my life with no regrets because fuck... I really regret some shit. I would have never touched the shit if I could have seen what it would do to my life. I would have never lied to you if I would have seen where it would lead. I would have never... thrown away everything just to... just to keep away reality. Because reality is where I am now... and while it really sucks sometimes... it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
oh, if the trip and the plan come apart in your hand
you look contorted on yourself your ridiculous prop
you forgot what you meant when you read what you said
and you always knew you were tired, but then
where are your friends tonight?
you look contorted on yourself your ridiculous prop
you forgot what you meant when you read what you said
and you always knew you were tired, but then
where are your friends tonight?
courtesy;lcd.soundsystem.
**Okay seriously, this video is fucking hilarious. I like the song but I can't watch the video with a straight face. Ohhhh scene days.
No comments:
Post a Comment