aLy's pity party guide:
(see also: PMS/intense-grownup-type-stress.)
1. Compile an epic playlist of thoughtful, tear inspiring songs. If it's acoustic, you're probably good.
Suggestions: Elliott Smith, Damien Rice, Red House Painters, Bright Eyes (fuck you Conor Oberst), Sigur Ros, Murder By Death...
2. CHOCOLATE.
3. Change into comfy pajamas, preferably fresh out of the laundry. Once the pity party starts, there ain't no showering till it's over.
4. CHOCOLATE.
5. Grab a roll of toilet paper, keep it handy. I find myself caught off guard when the female hormones/pure hatred of existence/sad part in movie hits. It's better than blowing your nose in your sock, trust me.
6. CHOCOLATE.
7. Go through your movie collection, pick out 8 movies total. This seems like a lot, but the amount can be halved if your PMS cycle is short, or you only have one day off to revel in the sadness.
--First you need two just ridiculously sad movies that you can't really stand to watch on a normal day because they're such a buzzkill.
Examples: Seven Pounds, Stay (not the aliens one), My Sister's Keeper, Titanic, Terms of Endearment, Steel Magnolias, Marley & Me, The Road, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Beaches, Tristan + Isolde, Cold Mountain
--Then another two that are sad and might make you tear up, but have happy endings. These mostly fall under the category of chick fliks, but not always.
Examples: Australia, The Lion King, Ever After, the last 3 Harry Potter movies. (Half Blood Prince, Deathly Hallows I & II), Eternal Sunshine (of the Spotless Memory), P.S. I Love You, I Am Legend, Time Traveler's Wife, What Dreams May Come
--The next two should be out there/indie/existential, thought provoking type movies. Something that will distract you from reality and potentially change your perspective. (If only slightly, if for only a short period of time.) Or something that's just off enough for you to be like... WTF? when the movie is over.
Examples: I <3 Huckabees, Eternal Sunshine (of the Spotless Memory)*, Stay*, Sleeping Beauty (not the cartoon, it's a strange British film), Fight Club, The Hudsucker Proxy, Annie Hall, Donnie Darko, The Outsiders, American Beauty, (500) Days of Summer
--And last but not least, you need the comedies to conclude your party. Something to carry you back into the "normal" feeling zone... whatever that may be for you.
Examples: Super Troopers, Our Idiot Brother, The Hangover, 21 Jump Street, Shaun of the Dead, any Monty Python, Dude, Where's My Car?, Zombieland, Princess Bride, Get Him to the Greek, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Pineapple Express....
Obviously, there's some overlap here. Use your own judgement. And obviously, I worked in a movie store for far too long. Anyway. Moving on.
8. Turn your phone off. No, seriously. Do it. Should probably shut the computer down too. Nothing is more embarrassing than sending that "OMG-I-MISS-YOU-SO-MUCH-AND-I-LOVE-YOU-AND-WHY-CAN'T-WE-BE-TOGETHER?" text to someone you broke up with 2 years ago. Or the "I hate my life" text to the bestie. And unless you're a real glutton for punishment and you're super committed to this bout of misery, I would advise against Facebook creeping. You'll inevitably end up on an ex-es page where he/she will have pictures of them looking all happy and lovey with their ugly, new, cow shaped girl/boyfriend. Then you'll decide to move onto your friends from grade/high school's pages. Still probably a bad idea. You will then compare your lives to theirs.. which, let's face it. Is always disappointing.
9. CHOCOLATE. (are you noticing a trend here? chocolate is key.)
10. And finally, the last step of a successful pity party/PMS is to just break down and let it out. It's okay, you're sitting alone on your couch in your comfy pjs, toilet paper at the ready. You've had a terrible week, you're stressed about money, you've been fighting with your boyfriend, you got fired, your grandpa died... Whatever it is, you deserve to have a moment to let that out. Or maybe, for us ladies, it feels like someone stuck an egg beater into your uterus and turned it to high... Whatever the reason. You might feel like shit now, but after you take the time to be sad, appreciate it for what it is, and cry it out, you'll feel a lot better. Holding onto it and trying to move on without actually allowing the emotion to be expressed is like forgetting to put eggs in the cake batter. You're skipping a step. If you forget the eggs, it's not cake. If you don't let it out now, you will eventually. Probably at a time when you're not prepared to deal with it.
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