fake it enough.

Haven't made an alydanceparty! mix in awhile. Haven't really been focused enough to even have one for myself... which I believe is starting to get to me. The dreams have been coming on more frequently now, and more intensely. I normally check myself in them when put into compromising situations... lately, I've just been going with it. And that scares me. It sucks because the cravings are so bad right now, that, given the opportunity, I'd probably throw away the last 6 months.

not.
cool.
man.

Funny, you reach a certain point and you start to think "man I've got this shit on lock!" but you don't, not really. When you least expect it that little devil that chills out on your shoulder (he sits on my left one, I don't know about you guys) pipes up and puts all sorts of terrible ideas in your head. As much as I love the sunshine and the sundress weather... I'm beginning to hate it. It's bringing up memories I'd rather not have... ugh. So. Double up on the meds. Find other things to occupy my time, write about it, talk about it. Hold myself accountable to as many people as possible... Look for the silver lining in all of this; all the bullshit just makes me stronger.

oh. and you.
I need to get this rant out real quick, it'll make me feel better since I can't actually say it to you, it just sinks me to your level. But hey, that's what this blog thing is for, right? A siphon for my excess brain juice.


Fucking bitch. Grow the fuck up. Learn to be a mature adult and don't make me school you in it. You're a parent, you should be setting a positive example for your child. She isn't a fucking accessory, leverage to try and control people who aren't doing what you want them to do. You need to move on. Stop putting her in the middle of your drama. I mean, seriously? What does it say about you that you can't control your mouth and not talk shit about her father to her. What is that going to do to her in the future? Did you ever stop to consider that? No. You didn't. Because you're an ignorant, trashy, fat, not-nice-person. Do you even know how to plan for the future? I mean hell, a couple months ago you got knocked up by some guy and have the sheer fucking audacity to go batshit crazy and cause ridiculous drama because we spend a few hours, one day a week, with each other. Don't even try and go there with me. Just don't fucking do it. You will fucking lose. This is not a guess, but a guaran-fucking-tee.

WOW I feel so much better now. I mean I don't really lose my temper anymore, it takes a lot to get a rise out of me. But this bitch had me so irate I was shaking with anger. I don't even really remember the last time I was that pissed.

ANYWAYYYYYY.

alydanceparty! to be found in its own entry, this turned out to be longer than I expected lolz.




ps- WHY MUST YOU TORMENT ME FITTED SHEET?? YOU FIT BEFORE, WHY WILL YOU NOT FIT NOW?!?!?!

Aly: 0
Air Mattress: 1.


courtesy;jhonen.vasquez.