if I smell like smoke it's only 'cuz I've been through hell

I'm still messed up, I just make different decisions now.

I'm extra emotional today, got a touch of the hormones. (PMS, that is) As it is Sunday, I watched church this morning. Today was a combined service led by some individuals from Celebrate Recovery. There were a few who spoke and commented how they struggled with codependency and anxiety. Now that's interesting. I know those are concerns, as I have those problems, but I never thought about  CR working for those particular concerns. I struggled to identify with those speakers, but when the last gentleman got up and talked about his first DUI, then his second a year later. His anger, his struggles... That I identified with. That made me cry. That got me in the feels. hmm, I wonder why... Oh, I forgot to mention, I have to watch my church services on YouTube as I still attend the church I grew up in, even though I now live hours away. That's one good thing that came out of COVID, I suppose. They became more consistent with the live streams, and I returned to attending church most Sundays. But I don't want to talk much more about religion, I sorta covered that in a previous post. The point of this one is that one of the young ladies mentioned working at my old high school, which led to me looking up the school website, and it made me nostalgic as all hell. I am so frickin' homesick. Even with all the bullshit I went through in that town and that county, I want to go home. Though my pragmatic brain kicks on in the background and I remind myself that when we're homesick and looking back we tend to gloss over the bullshit and see those memories through rose-colored glasses. 

courtesy;lainey.wilson/