It's a Sunday! Know what that means? Church day! I look forward to this day, because of the routine I (used to) have on this day. I truly spent it as a day for quiet, reflection, and peace. The ideal routine; wake up and watch the sun rise. Watch Bible stories and/or listen to audio stories while I wait for church to start. Watch church, take notes, reflect on the verse. Put on a video or Bible story that goes along with the church lesson while I get ready for the day. Ideally, my grocery list and everything will already have been made and ready to go. Sundays used to be my errands day and I found it so fulfilling to go to the different stores to get the best deals and always using my recyclable bags. Then I got this job and started school and lost myself.
i was a lost boy when you found me
I've spent the last almost 2 years trying to fit into this mold and image I created in my head of who I thought I wanted to be and what a responsible adult looked like and I was going to show everyone that I was not the drugged out slutty drunk fuck up everyone knew before. I will say however, that the response to the wreck and some of the people I've interacted with tells me that maybe I wasn't as bad as I thought I was? Or perhaps through all the bullshit there are still people out there who saw through all that. Or accepted it as part of who I am. Or maybe I'm just that good at masking.
I'm going to spend the next year finding myself. I have pictures of young me everywhere to remind me of the brilliant resilient confident awesome ALy I am. She got lost somewhere along the way and I want her back.
Boy. Life sure didn't turn out the way I expected.
Quick question... Has it always been the woman's responsibility to put work into the marriage? If so, why is this the standard? I don't think I like that very much. I shall have to write a strongly worded letter to... someone.
courtesy; disney/the.midnight
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