vulnerable adj.
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon: a vulnerable part of the body.
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.: an argument vulnerable to refutation; He is vulnerable to bribery.
3. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend: a vulnerable bridge.
4. Bridge . having won one of the games of a rubber.
(okay so the #4 definition is kind of random and really has nothing to do with anything, but for some reason I found it amusing. So it stays.)
Imagine standing on a stage in front of thousands of people in nothing but your period panties with no make up on... Sounds awful, doesn't it? I even kinda freaked myself out with that mental image. Nobody likes that idea, nobody wants to experience that feeling. Well, I guess maybe somebody, somewhere might... but we're not talking about that guy. Nobody (except aforementioned weirdo) likes feeling exposed or vulnerable. It's fuckin' scary. Especially if you've got previous experience with it absolutely blowing up in your face. FWAP. (This would be the same sound the universe makes when smacking you in the face with its proverbial dick... in case you were wondering.) I think it's why some of us choose to retreat into ourselves. Of course there are other mitigating (oo, I like that word) elements as well. We all have our own set of circumstances and personal bullshit we carry around with us. These factors make us, well... us. That's important.
But what kind of life are you going to have if you choose to hide behind that all the time? What kind of life are you living if you never take risks? Is it better to spend your life alone, in your solitude, following your routine day after day if it keeps you from getting hurt again? Someone asked me that today and I was at a lack of a response for a few minutes. I think I finally said something like, "Iono, maybe. I wish I knew." I hate it when people use their pasts as an excuse to be batshit crazy. That is weak fuckin' sauce.
But what kind of life are you going to have if you choose to hide behind that all the time? What kind of life are you living if you never take risks? Is it better to spend your life alone, in your solitude, following your routine day after day if it keeps you from getting hurt again? Someone asked me that today and I was at a lack of a response for a few minutes. I think I finally said something like, "Iono, maybe. I wish I knew." I hate it when people use their pasts as an excuse to be batshit crazy. That is weak fuckin' sauce.
"Like omgz I have the worstest ex-bf ever he was such an asshole and he treated me like shit so I get to act like a fuckin' retard with you and you're just gonna have to deal with my daddy issues."
I call SHENANIGANS. Our past helps create who we are now, but it does not define us. Now don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that the past is not important. It's like the first few seasons of Lost. If you missed any of the episodes you're not going to have a very clear picture of what's going on. Sure, you'll be able to wing it and sort of follow along but you'll be missing a lot of the details that explain how the story got to where it is.
It is generally very useful to have enough experience that you know better in a given situation. The whole "older and wiser" thing. Y'know like, maybe I shouldn't do that because I'll get arrested. No. Really. Don't fucking do that. Or maybe I should not stick that Lego in my nose because it's gonna hurt like a motherfucker trying to get it out. Or understanding karmic balance and realizing that cheating on your significant other will cause the universe to ass fuck you, repeatedly, with no lube. But sometimes I think it would be nice to go back to being young and fresh eyed and ready to take on the world because I didn't know better. Ready to jump into anything head first because it felt good and ride that euphoric adrenaline rush while it was there. Life was scary, but in an intense way. A way that made you feel all... tingly and alive and shit. Now it's more like I'm gonna put my big toe in the water and get into the pool one step at a time instead of going at it full speed and doing a cannonball. Maybe there's a comfortable in between? Is that what your 20's are supposed to be for? Hm. If that's the case, I totally screwed the pooch on that one. I don't remember most of the first half of mine.
It is generally very useful to have enough experience that you know better in a given situation. The whole "older and wiser" thing. Y'know like, maybe I shouldn't do that because I'll get arrested. No. Really. Don't fucking do that. Or maybe I should not stick that Lego in my nose because it's gonna hurt like a motherfucker trying to get it out. Or understanding karmic balance and realizing that cheating on your significant other will cause the universe to ass fuck you, repeatedly, with no lube. But sometimes I think it would be nice to go back to being young and fresh eyed and ready to take on the world because I didn't know better. Ready to jump into anything head first because it felt good and ride that euphoric adrenaline rush while it was there. Life was scary, but in an intense way. A way that made you feel all... tingly and alive and shit. Now it's more like I'm gonna put my big toe in the water and get into the pool one step at a time instead of going at it full speed and doing a cannonball. Maybe there's a comfortable in between? Is that what your 20's are supposed to be for? Hm. If that's the case, I totally screwed the pooch on that one. I don't remember most of the first half of mine.
Do we ever get used to be vulnerable? I don't think so. Some people adapt to it better than others, but it never completely goes away. We can only take so much bullshit before it starts to leave a mark. I guess it just depends on how bad you want whatever it is your after. Just as long as you don't fucking settle for anything less than you deserve.
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