and you, you will be mean and i, i'll drink all the time.

and you,

you will be mean

and i,

i'll drink all the time

'cause we're lovers

and that is a fact

yes we're lovers

and that is that.

though nothing

will keep us together

we could steal time

just for one day

we can be heroes

for ever and ever

what d'you say?

i love you like a thunderstorm, like a lion, like a helpless rage...

Love is stronger than any addiction, so they say. They also say it is one. I think both are true. might as well face it you're addicted to love When I think about being lonely I'm reminded of that euphoric feeling I get when a relationship starts. You know what I'm talking about. That butterfly feeling your tum takes on when the image of their smile pops into your head. Or maybe a memory of how it feels when they kiss you. The curve of their jawline. The way their hair falls into their eyes when they lean forward to pay attention to what you're saying... and how they subconsciously swipe it out of their face when they reply. And no, this is not going to be another whiny rant, I'm actually at peace at the moment. take back your feet, take back your hands, take back your words. take back your heart, take back your pride. This is a realistic observation. People get judgey towards those who have problems; whether it's addiction, financial crisis, familial issues etc. etc. etc. But everyone thinks it's okay to love someone. Kinda like how being a crackhead is bad, but drinking a 6 pack every night and smoking a pack a day is okay because they're legal. Talk about hypocrisy.

"Cast not the first stone" as they say. Who the fuck are we to judge someone else?! What about you makes you so superior to John Doe over there? Oh, that's right. Nothing. Perhaps your sense of entitlement and your parent's bank account makes you think so, but nope. You's wrong. Now granted, before I get all carried away bitching about spoiled rich kids, I acknowledge that there are people who bust their asses for what they have, and they are deserving of what they get. However, that doesn't make them better than people who won't do the same for themselves. It may make them smarter, but not better. There is a difference. We're all the same. Blood, bones, flesh, organs. We all have a heart and a brain and genitals that have a tendency to do our thinking for us... we're all a result of circumstances. Where we were born, who we were born to, when we were born. Time is infinite. Past, present, future; they're all occurring at the same time in infinite variances. Intelligence does not necessarily equate with superiority. You can be book smart as hell, but that doesn't make you compassionate. Doesn't make you people smart. Or wise. Wisdom is not the same as intelligence. It takes times to become wise, you have to live for that to come. Take a smart 20 year old, give him 20 more years of life, see how wise he is at 40.

Most people have a hard time balancing their focus. Concentrating on the future is important. Focusing on the present is important. Reflecting on the past is too, it can give you strength and direction to show you what you really want to be. But what is the perfect balance? I may think I have the answer about a lot of things, this is not one of them. I have no idea. I recognize the significance of these elements, but I have no clue which takes precedence over the other. I'm not even sure one should. Personally, I think becoming lost in the past is counterproductive. I've said it before, the past is a nice place to visit, but you can't stay there. Spending your energy concentrating on a reality that doesn't exist anymore is futile. Recognize your past weaknesses, mistakes, glories, and accomplishments and let them help you with the decisions you make later in life. But the present and the future... those are tricky. Living for the moment is important to me. carpe diem. I have it tattooed permanently on my right arm where I can look down and see it at any moment, and that's why I put it there. Seize the day. Seize the fucking day. Each day could be your last. How would you feel if today was the last day you lived and you spent it angry because some guy in a shiny new Ford (fuckFord) cut you off on the way to work this morning? Wouldn't you rather go into it thinking man, it's a beautiful day today. The sky is blue, the sun is shining, I love my family, and I'm so thankful I even woke up this morning. Wouldn't that be a much more pleasant way to spend your last few moments on earth? And the future... the future is important too. It's what you have to look forward to. As our high school guidance counselors always told us, "Plan for the future. Think ahead." Know where you're going with your life, with your decisions. Making blind choices based 100% on emotion is FUCKING STUPID. Take this from someone who has learned this from experience. Occasionally this works out. Note: OCCASIONALLY. Not always. You have to learn to recognize the difference in these situations. I'm not saying I'm an expert at this, I am by no means an expert at anything. (well, okay, I might be at a couple of things... but you'd have to have been there to know. haha) but I know how key this recognition is. 

But I digress away from my original point. Love as an addiction. Everyone wants to to get back to that euphoric feeling of the honeymoon stage of a relationship. I know sitting here right now, I would like nothing better than to reacquire said sensation. But, there's so much more that goes behind that. Love is not a sudden thing. Love at first sight is pretty much bullshit. I allow that you can make an instant connection with someone, but it takes work from there. Love grows, it develops over time. you gotta take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you got and remember what you had It's not all faerie tales and happily ever afters and blah blah blah. If that's how you consider love, you're better off staying alone. Celibate, even. Or just stick to drunken one night stands. Because you're only going to get hurt over, and over, and over again. If you love someone, you love EVERY PART of them. The good, the bad, the ugly. You love them when they're dressed up to go out on date night, and when they wake up in the morning with nasty breath, bleary eyes, and hair that sticks out in 25 directions. You love them when they're laughing, you love them when they're crying. You love them even when you're standing across the room yelling at them because you're arguing. You love them enough to never let them sleep on the couch, no matter how angry you both are. You love them through the bad times and you should never walk away. Love should be unconditional.

That kind of love is not the part that's addicting. It's the euphoric puppy love stage that's addicting... so many people confuse the two. My problem is once I get past that stage I'm not sure where to go from there. I've never really had a good example of a healthy relationship so I'm pretty much clueless. This would probably explain why I've only had one relationship that's made it past a year, and that was a terrible, TERRIBLE idea. (Some of you were around for that, you know it's true. Man. Talk about fucking crazy.) So. Instead of getting high on the sensation of a new relationship and constantly searching for that, enjoy the euphoria while it lasts, then become addicted to the idea of commitment. If you don't think this is for you, stay distant and don't let yourself fall that hard.

Ah...

Ramble, ramble.

I did it again, back to one of my original topics.
Gotta work on that.
At least I'm not whining, I'm being insightful.




Anyway.
I'm probably full of shit.

courtesy; david.bowie/ken.follet/project.pat