i meant what i said, and i said what i meant.

 

 

take a glorious bite of the whole world.

 

 

to love life, to love it even

when you have no stomach for it

and everything you've held dear

crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,

your throat filled with the silt of it.

When grief sits with you, its tropical heat

thickening the air, heavy as water

more fit for gills than lungs;

when grief weights you like your own flesh

only more of it, an obesity of grief,

you think, How can a body withstand this?

Then you hold life like a face,

no charming smile, no violet eyes,

and you say, yes, I will take you

I will love you, again.

 

--Ellen Bass

 

     

I can't sleep, so I sit on the couch and watch black and white movies and listen to break up songs. Why? No idea. I have a twisted thing for sad break up songs... Oh, and of course, I tap, tap, tap away at this stupid thing. Since I spend so much time in my head, dreaming, thinking, hamster-wheeling... I've been randomly looking more and more into what dreams are supposed to mean and how much credibility we should realistically give them. There's so much ambiguity and differing opinions. Some people go all Freudian and say they are the key to the unconscious mind. Some only that we should pay attention to them because they may give us clues into how we shape our reality and things we may not notice in our waking selves. So, in essence, giving light into our subconscious, but allowing for more error. From what I can ascertain from the abundance of sources I've perused... most basic dream meanings are universal. Like the one where you're running and running and you know if you get caught it's game over. Or where you show up to school with no pants on or you're free falling and just know you're about to hit the ground. All those are supposed to symbolize feelings of vulnerability and loss of control.

 

Reoccuring nightmares usually seem pretty obvious. Things that hide in the back of your mind and wait to mess with you once you've closed your eyes. where you go, i go. what you see, i see. Maybe they're all full of shit. Maybe we just make it more complicated than it really needs to be. Perhaps dreams really are just random smatterings of the gibberish that goes on in our heads. Did you know you can't dream about a face you've never seen? Even when you have dreams about a perfect stranger, someone you swear you've never met, you've seen their face somewhere before. Maybe you stood behind them in line at Walmart or walked passed them in the hallway at school. Weird isn't it, imagining that some random person you may have only encountered for 2 seconds can make their way into your head for a night. I can't decide if that's cool, or creepy.

 

 

 

don't think, just do.

courtesy; adele/snow.patrol