it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2012

one motherfucking year.
bitches.

 BEFORE

2005-2011

                                                       

AFTER

9/20/2011-

 BEFORE

2005-2011

AFTER

9/20/2011-

            

BEFORE

2005-2011

AFTER

9/20/2011-

Just goes to show you what hard work, a lot of support, and an extreme amount of stubborness can get you. Some people thought I'd never do it, some people still expect me to fuck it up... well guess what, I haven't yet. In fact half you "normal" people don't work half as hard as I do or have nearly as high expectations out of yourself or life. So stop judging me, especially since you've never been there, and turn the mirror around on yourself. 

We're all human. We all have weaknesses, some are just more defined than others. Some things aren't as simple as the black and white "well why didn't you just stop?" "why didn't you ask for help?" "why'd you ever do it in the first place?" If it were that simple, I'd be out of a job. (or a future job, anyway) 

I'll never stop being sorry. There are things I'll never forgive myself for, even once years have gone by. I scared my family, ruined peoples lives, and I hurt the one person who would have never hurt me more than I've done anyone else. And he will probably never forgive me for it. So. Yeah. It's not easy. I might make it look that way because of how hard I work and how dedicated I've been, and well, 'cuz I'm a bad ass... (hah) but it most definitely is not. Every day is a new battle. Every day I have to wake up and make the decision to stay the person I am now. Every day I have to wake up and face my past and choose to move forward from it. There is not A SINGLE DAY that goes by that I don't think about it, and I'll carry that with me always. But I create my reality, and I fucking refuse to let that part win.

Life's a bitch sometimes man, it's just the way it is.

I love my life and the people in it... I'm so grateful to everyone who has stuck with me and still loves me, even after I was a total asshole and treated them like shit. It never ceases to amaze me some people's capacity for love and forgiveness... 'cuz I was a real bitch. Like, super bitch mode.

Anyway.

Without my bullshit, I would never have gotten to where I am now and I like this version of me. I have lived a very interesting life and learned A LOT of things, and that just makes me wiser.

Wisdom is cool.
Knowledge is power.