it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

SEPTEMBER 20, 2012

one motherfucking year.
bitches.

 BEFORE

2005-2011

                                                       

AFTER

9/20/2011-

 BEFORE

2005-2011

AFTER

9/20/2011-

            

BEFORE

2005-2011

AFTER

9/20/2011-

Just goes to show you what hard work, a lot of support, and an extreme amount of stubborness can get you. Some people thought I'd never do it, some people still expect me to fuck it up... well guess what, I haven't yet. In fact half you "normal" people don't work half as hard as I do or have nearly as high expectations out of yourself or life. So stop judging me, especially since you've never been there, and turn the mirror around on yourself. 

We're all human. We all have weaknesses, some are just more defined than others. Some things aren't as simple as the black and white "well why didn't you just stop?" "why didn't you ask for help?" "why'd you ever do it in the first place?" If it were that simple, I'd be out of a job. (or a future job, anyway) 

I'll never stop being sorry. There are things I'll never forgive myself for, even once years have gone by. I scared my family, ruined peoples lives, and I hurt the one person who would have never hurt me more than I've done anyone else. And he will probably never forgive me for it. So. Yeah. It's not easy. I might make it look that way because of how hard I work and how dedicated I've been, and well, 'cuz I'm a bad ass... (hah) but it most definitely is not. Every day is a new battle. Every day I have to wake up and make the decision to stay the person I am now. Every day I have to wake up and face my past and choose to move forward from it. There is not A SINGLE DAY that goes by that I don't think about it, and I'll carry that with me always. But I create my reality, and I fucking refuse to let that part win.

Life's a bitch sometimes man, it's just the way it is.

I love my life and the people in it... I'm so grateful to everyone who has stuck with me and still loves me, even after I was a total asshole and treated them like shit. It never ceases to amaze me some people's capacity for love and forgiveness... 'cuz I was a real bitch. Like, super bitch mode.

Anyway.

Without my bullshit, I would never have gotten to where I am now and I like this version of me. I have lived a very interesting life and learned A LOT of things, and that just makes me wiser.

Wisdom is cool.
Knowledge is power.

sept 19, 2011.

I'm so glad I'm not in jail right now.

jail sux.
real bad.

That is all.

aLy dance party! oh-coffee-maker-how-i-missed-thee mix

This week's aLy dance party! was postponed till today due to a spur of the moment trip to Eureka, MO. Honestly, after all the moving around I did this weekend, I'm sore in some strange places. Do not let my wee-ness fool you, just because I'm thin doesn't mean I'm in shape. Plus, I'm old. And it sucks. Don't argue with me on this one, my body is shot... so I don't particularly want to clean or even get off my ass... which is strange for me, I don't like it. >.< 

But TOWANDA is full o'junk and my room is wrecked due to me walking in, stripping, and face planting... not sleeping, just not moving... yay! for BBC show marathons... Anyway. This all must be remedied or the rest of my week will be off. That being said! Onto the cleany action time! And this time, instead of just creeping my entry to check out my shmexy cleaning ensem, do a lil house boogieing yerself. C'monnnn, you know you want to

. Be goofy. Get naked and run through the house. Got a hardwood floor? Throw on your fuzziest socks, gain momentum, and slide yer ass down the hallway. Put on that song that you absolutely love but are too embarrassed to let anyone catch you listening to and use your broom as a microphone. (I advise against Spotify tho, unless you want it broadcasted to your fbook creepers.) Eat coconut cake for breakfast. Drink a pot of coffee and clean out your closet; you'll reminisce over the cool shit you find, and get rid of all the junk you don't need... then donate it. Use your towel as a super hero cape and pretend you can fly. 

(Don't judge me, this is fun as hell.) 

PIRATE BOOTY!

TURN IT ON AND ALL THE WAY UP

Turn It On; The Flaming Lips

Nuclear Man; Madahoochi

Up On Cripple Creek; The Band

Rocky Raccoon; The Beatles

Spliff & My Lady; Jah Roots

Another Brick in the Wall (cover); Keller and the Keels

Morning Glory; Oasis

Cumberland Blues; Grateful Dead

Jump Right In; The Urge
yeah, yeah i know this song is about the dangers of unprotected sex... 
you post one song in the wrong context and the calamity that ensues. geesh.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: condoms are good, babies &/or gonaciphaherpilades are bad.

The Mothership Connection (Star Child); George Clinton & The Parliament Funkadelics

Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes; Paul Simon

The World Has Turned; Weezer

The District Sleeps Alone; The Postal Service

Climb to Safety; Widespread Panic

Women, Wine, & Song; Umphreys McGee

Deep Elem Blues (acoustic); Grateful Dead

Superstition; Stevie Wonder

In a Big Country; moe. 

Bring the Funk; George Clinton & The Parliament Funkadelics





*While not an entirely comprehensive list, it should be enough to get you started. *


WOO! DACHSHUND!

 

this weeks aLy dance party

once in awhile you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right.

In the Meantime; Spacehog
...and in the end we shall achieve in time, the thing we call divine...

Some Nights; Fun.
....what do i stand for? some nights, i don't know...

Hell in a Bucket; Grateful Dead
...there may come a day i will dance on your grave, but unable to dance i'll crawl...

Skinned; Blind Melon
...and when will i realize that this skin, hey it isn't mine?...

Galaxie; Blind Melon
...is this the place i wanna be? is it you i wanna see?...

Hard to Handle; Grateful Dead
...i can give you what you want but you got to come home with me...

She's Only Happy In the Sun; Ben Harper
...and i know you may not want to see me on your way down from the clouds...

New Shoes; Paolo Nutini
...i'm short on money but long on time...

Time to Pretend; MGMT
...i'll move to paris shoot some heroin, fuck with the stars... (haha, just kiddin'!)

Who Killed Davey Moore; BoomBox
...

You've Really Got a Hold On Me; Smokey Robinson & The Miracles
...i don't like you, but i love you...

The Writer; Ellie Goulding
...why don't you be the artist and make me out of clay? why don't you be the writer and decide the words i say?...

Scarlet Begonias; Grateful Dead
...with rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes i knew without askin' she was into the blues. she wore scarlet begonias tucked into her curls, i knew right away she was not like other girls..

Kids; MGMT
...control yourself, take only what you need from it...

Change (In the House of Flies); Deftones
...i watched a change in you...

Heart a Break; Demi Lovato
...the day i first met you, you told me you'd never fall in love...

Upside Down; Jack Johnson
...who's to say what's impossible? well they forgot this world keeps spinnin' and with each new day i can feel a change in everything...

Wide Awake; Katy Perry
...now it's clear to me that everything you see isn't always what it seems....

Workout; Sugar & Gold
...last thing on your mind is the first word on your lips, you were shootin' from the hip when you said you were my kind. i just stood there dumb and blind...