Friday, March 22, 2013

i am bottled, fizzy water.




i lied to my friends, 
tell them i love to see them,
just to keep me away from me

and it's like they always say-
if you love something give it away
but what are you supposed to do
when you love everything?
when you try to love everything?

Sometimes the words inside me bubble up to the point where I think I'll explode if I don't get them out. Kinda like when you shake up a soda can and pop the tab. It sprays everywhere and covers you in a sticky, toxic mess that takes forever to wash off.

Sometimes I just want to yell gibberish at someone and take out all this pent up rage out on a real person. I mean, I can let it out in all kinds of constructive, non-damaging ways, and I do. But it just isn't the same as letting go and positively unleashing on someone. Volunteers? Anyone?

Sometimes it takes everything I have to not just lose it. I wonder if anyone realizes how hard it is not to care... because I care too fucking much. Life is overwhelming. Not just for me, but for everyone. I think that's what the definition is, actually.

life: n. an overwhelming human condition that classifies each participant as a success or failure. 
see also: bullshit; heartbreaking; hard; unfair; surprising.

Sometimes the happy bubbles fill my tum to the point where I think I'll explode and splash my euphoria everywhere. I have a lot of love to give, I'm just kinda picky about where I put it. No take backs on that shit.

Sometimes I wake up and the thought of starting another day, working all day for some future that I'm scared of, all alone... I can't stand it. The weight of it keeps me pressed to the bed, my eyes shut tight against the world. But I still get up, drink my coffee, and put on my game face. Once I'm out in the world and not in my head so much I'm happy. I smile, I love my fucking life. But there are times that this empty feeling is so overwhelming, so heart breaking, that I feel I need to tear it out just to get a moment of peace. That I need to stuff cotton in my ears and glue my eyes and mouth shut in order to keep it all in, so it doesn't go spilling out into the universe. I'm afraid one day I'll open my mouth and start crying and I'll never stop.

But at least sometimes isn't all the time.






I've been drinking whiskey--
this makes for melancholy Aly Bear.





courtesy; diamond.rugs


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

tumbleweeds.





we were gettin' Southern in the backseat
on 7 dollar blackout, two tumbleweeds
she said, "make me come you sweet fucker,
make it last
you ain’t never seen a town
disappear this fast"
and I was young, but I was losin'
I was young, but I was losin'
all kindsa time

her acne scars were diamonds on my lips
and I tore the flowers right off her dress
lord just give me 10 minutes before the world ends
I’m gettin' to know,
gettin' to know my friends
we were young, and we were losin’
we were young, and we were losin’
all kindsa time

oh strip mall lights,
are there angels on earth tonight?
show me, show me how
show me how to get it right








courtesy; cady.wire


Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Happy Corporate Bullshit Candy Hearts Day!

**DISCLAIMER: THIS ENTRY IS ALL ABOUT SEX. IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE IN ANYWAY, I SUGGEST AGAINST READING IT**






All right this is a bit of a belated Valentine's Day spiel. I had started writing it that day, but I got distracted by the badassery of my friends who peer pressured me into going to Galactic with them.

This was awesome, and the best It-Sucks-To-Be-Reminded-I'm-Single present ever. So. That being said... here goes.

Valentine's Day has long been celebrated as a day of love and romance, even before Big Business and Corporate America decided to cash in on it and cheese it up with roses and Russell Stover's. (Tulips are better, for the record. Purple ones.)

There are all kinds of stories that surround this romantical holiday. Rumor has it that during Emperor Claudius II's rein men were forced to stay single to make better soldiers and that this Valentine character kept marrying them in secret anyway because it wasn't fair. Personally, I don't buy into this one. It seems awful modern day love story and not in anyway historically accurate.

I, personally, am more apt to believe in the pagan themed theory. Apparently, the Church, in it's infinite wisdom, went in and attempted to Christianize a pagan fertility holiday, Lupercalia. This holiday is documented as taking place on the Ides of February. (Remember your Caesar  "Beware the Ides of March" and all that?) This festival entailed killing and skinning goats and dogs and splattering the blood all over crops and women. Thing is, they ate this shit up. Women who were touched by the blood were seen as blessed and considered to be especially fertile in the coming year. This is more realistic, because human nature is not driven by love, it's driven by sex. As functioning animals, love is a counterproductive part of evolution, as it doesn't help us choose our best mates and try and make babies that will survive in the future... Sigh. Yes. I am one jaded mother fucker, but scientifically, these things are true. Google that shit.

If you know me, you know there will not be anything about conventional romance in this entire thing. If that's what you're expecting, go ahead and stop reading right now because that's not my style. Sure, there are things that I consider romantic, if you'd like to get an idea of what these things are go ahead and read last year's Valentine's Day entry. There's a bit in there about things I consider romantic. Otherwise, you know all I'm going to talk about is sex. Because that's really what it comes down to, isn't it? Let's be honest with ourselves here.

First of all, you need to be able to recognize whether this is a fuck buddy type situation or if it's legit and may lead to something more. There are some obvious signs:


You are (usually) only fuck buddies if:

  • they only text you when they're drunk and/or late at night
  • they already have a significant other (that's usually an obvious one, but not always)
  • they never want to hang out with you outside the house/bedroom
  • you never meet their friends or family
  • no cuddling action
  • no sleepovers
  • no kissing/eye contact during sex
  • you only ever fuck when you're both drunk


If 3 or more of these are applicable, chances are you're just fuck buddies. There's nothing wrong with this! It's just nice to be aware. I have discovered that for some reason most people aren't as upfront as me and this isn't always made obvious. Why? Dunno. I usually just tell people when I want to sleep with them... Why is that such a strange thing?

All right, so you've figured out where you stand. Groovy. Next step: EPIC SEXY TIME. Even if you are in a relationship you know you've both been looking forward to the romancin' part that comes at the end of the night. (And dear god, PLEASE do not put rose petals on my sheets or play Enya or Barry White or some shit in the background. That would creep. me. the. fuck. out. A bottle of cheap wine, more than two pillows, and pizza rolls with hot sauce, throw in some serious cuddle-action and I'm good to go.)

APHRODISIACS

These helpful little fuckers (no pun intended) got their name from Aphrodite, goddess of love. There are several foods, beverages, smells, and behaviors that are thought to turn you on and make sex better. Since our sex drives are controlled by hormones it's believed that foods that increase specific hormone productions can make the sexy time even sexier. From everything I've read, there is no actual scientific proof behind this, but that doesn't necessarily disprove it either. Random fact: Did you know the Aztecs used to call avocado trees the 'testicle tree' because it looked like a tree with balls hanging on it?

A couple examples: spinach, almonds, asparagus, avocados, bananas, basil, chocolate, garlic, red wine (in moderation)

I would like to take this moment to point out that I discourage random hook ups to celebrate Valentine's Day. If that's how you usually roll at any other point of the year, more power to you, but this would be one of those moments that I'd say go with a standby, don't try somebody new. Regardless of whether it's for love or lust, the familiarity will make you feel better. It's nice to know what to expect and know that they know how to please you and vice versa. Do they like their ear nibbled? How about kisses on the neck? Would she rather have you pull her hair or run your hands through it? 

All right moving forward... Condoms n lube.

Yeah that's right, I'm totally going there. Refer back to the disclaimer if you need to.

FIRST OF ALL-- I would like to state for the record, for all you fuckers (again, no pun intended) who think you're King Dick and all that because you use Magnum condoms... Hate to burst your bubble, but they are at best, a few millimeters bigger than the average condom. It's all a sales gimmick. Check it OR here's a size chart.

Does anybody really like to use condoms? I mean, aside from the obvious purpose they serve? Yeah, I don't think so. If you do, you are definitely in the minority. From what I've heard (and experienced?) the thinner the better, but not loaded up with lube. Condom lube feels kinda funny, especially afterwards. You feel like you just got off a llama-spit-filled-slip n slide. (How's that for a mental image?) There are so damn many varieties, I can't really even form much of an opinion on this because it depends on the mood and who you're with. I will say, I think my faves are the non-latex Skyn. And I dig Durex more than Trojan. But there are so many varieties that this is seriously a very specific matter of preference. The big deal here is that if yer dude is bringing something you don't like to the table, tell 'em to ditch that shit and go snag something you both like.

Buying condoms and lube together is fun, by the way. :D

KY VS ASTROGLIDE

Main difference, there isn't one really, it's a matter of brand preference. Both original formulas contain glycerin and parabens, which can cause irritation and not work very well with the natural lube your body produces. I used to be a fan of the His and Hers KY until I ran out of one and tried to use it independent of the other. Holy sweet TITS. Do. Not. Ever. Do. That. It's like icy hot on your bits. Seriously. My eyes are watering right now just recollecting this. So I was stuck with this half bottle of lube that was completely useless, and that shit's expensive. Plus, it dries out faster and gets all sticky and gummy. Ew. So, if you're not into the whole natural thing and your skin isn't too sensitive, go with the Astroglide. Otherwise, take the time to look into other stuff that has natural and paraben-free ingredients, your body will thank you.

Oh-- and flavored lube is nasty. Just don't go there.
Ew.

Okay, okay, I think I've made everybody feel awkward enough with all this sexy talk and way more information than you probably wanted to know about my sexual preferences. But everybody likes sex, not everybody likes romance. I'm just keepin' it real.

On that note, I shall leave you to your own pervy thoughts and go back to enjoying my own.



Happy Valentine's Day!!!



The soundtrack I made for this entry is absolutely ridiculous, I am aware.

ohmygod. meganfox.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

aLydanceparty! throwback



how cool was I in my senior pictures?
In recollection, that shirt was so fucking ugly. It was this green fishnet tank top thing that I had matching green corduroy pants to go with. And I thought I looked like hot shit.

yeah.
seriously.
wtf.

This aLydanceparty! is brought to you by my high school experience, 
this kinda correlates with all those old pictures I found.

freshman year:

Breathe; The Prodigy
Blue Monday. Orgy
Faith; Limp Bizkit
In the End; Linkin Park
Fat Lip; Sum 41
Chop Suey; System of a Down
Down with the Sickness; Disturbed
Freak on a Leash; KoRn

sophomore year:

Differences; Ginuwine
Life We Live; Project Pat
It Wasn't Me; Shaggy
U Got It Bad; Usher
Fantasy; Ludacris

junior year:

What I Got; Sublime
Punk Rawk Princess; Something Corporate
Ocean Avenue; Yellow Card
I Do It for the Drugs; Smile Empty Soul
Feva for the Flava; Hot Action Cop (so. many. parties.)
21 Questions; 50 cent
Girlfriend; Avril Lavigne (hahaha, I used to rock the fuck out to this song)
Pretty Girl; Sugarcult


senior year:

Redemption Song; Bob Marley
Touch of Grey; The Grateful Dead
Go DJ; Lil Wayne
Confessions; Usher
Dark Side of the Moon; Pink Floyd
The Joker; Steve Miller Band
Waiting for my Ruca; Sublime
Blueberry Yum Yum; Ludacris

Sunday, January 27, 2013

judge not lest ye be judged.




All right kids, we're gonna take a few minutes to talk about addiction. What it is, what it really means, the misconceptions people have, and how it's treated. Because I am becoming increasingly frustrated with the ignorance, in most cases intentional, of such a complex and misunderstood disease.

Addicts are people too. Don't try and act like you've never done something dumb. Like fucking without a rubber which produces unplanned children.

But hey, babies are socially acceptable. It's cool to bring a child into the world and potentially fuck it up because of your lack of preparedness, but it's not okay to spend your time alone, hurting only yourself, which is not the potential happiness of someone else's entire lifetime.

Because THAT makes fucking sense. (I'm kind of pissed right now, can anyone tell?)

OR how cigarettes and alcohol are socially acceptable even though more people die from cigarette and alcohol related health issues than over doses. And we can buy this shit at the gas station! The grocery store!

And by presenting these facts I'm NOT saying that narcotics are okay! I'm just trying to shine a little light on the hypocrisy of people.

Alcohol Use and Health*

  • There are approximately 80,000 deaths attributable to excessive alcohol use each year in the United States.1
  •  This makes excessive alcohol use the 3rd leading lifestyle-related cause of death for the nation.2 Excessive alcohol use is responsible for 2.3 million years of potential life lost (YPLL) annually, or an average of about 30 years of potential life lost for each death.1



Tobacco use is the leading preventable cause of death.*

  • Worldwide, tobacco use causes more than 5 million deaths per year, and current trends show that tobacco use will cause more than 8 million deaths annually by 2030.3
  • In the United States, smoking is responsible for about one in five deaths annually (i.e., about 443,000 deaths per year, and an estimated 49,000 of these smoking-related deaths are the result of secondhand smoke exposure).1

MEANWHILE...

  • In 2008, more than 36,000 people died from drug overdoses, and most of these deaths were caused by prescription drugs.*


And see how it says prescription drugs? Funny... that shit is supposed to be regulated by the government...I mean, our insurance pays for that shit.

Sorry this statistic wasn't as impressive as the others, but I couldn't find the original site I was looking at and all the other stats were on numbers of users as opposed to number of deaths. Still. I feel my point is made.

Anyway.

WHAT IT IS

Merriam Webster's Online dictionary defines it;

addiction:  noun a compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal;
broadly: persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

It is also listed in the DSM-IV with varying levels of specificity.


Dependence or significant impairment or distress, as manifested by 3 or more of the following during a 12 month period:**
  1. Tolerance or markedly increased amounts of the substance to achieve intoxication or desired effect or markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of substance
  2. Withdrawal symptoms or the use of certain substances to avoid withdrawal symptoms
  3. Use of a substance in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended
  4. persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance use
  5. Involvement in chronic behavior to obtain the substance, use the substance, or recover from its effects
  6. Reduction or abandonment of social, occupational or recreational activities because of substance use 
  7. Use of substances even though there is a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the substance


WHAT THAT REALLY MEANS

So what does all this psychobabble actually mean you say?

It means that we are all pre-programmed to become some type of addict. Whether or not it is genetically dominant in you or your family has not been documented with a completely certainty, more as a reoccurring trend. And whether or not it actually happens is partially up to you. This is a nature vs nurture thing. If it's in your family history, but you are raised in a completely different environment, will you still be susceptible to becoming an addict? Conversely, if it doesn't run in your family and you still become an addict is it because of how you were raised? If you step out of the physiological components of addiction, ie the "I must have this shit to function" part and look at the psychological aspects, which is what most people consider, it gets kinda Freudian.

According to Freud our mind is divided into 3 categories:

  • The id which is characterized by a desire for instant gratification. This is what is at work when we are all born. It's the-- I WANT IT, I WANT IT NOW. As a baby we scream till we get our bottle (or boobie) or if we need a diaper change. This is a purely instinct driven, unconscious part of our mind.

  • The ego which is what serves our id. The id, in a sense, is purely fantasy. Our mind conjures images of what we want and the ego seeks to fulfill them. So the ego is what separates our mental reality from the reality of the outside world.

  • The super ego or our morals. This is all the junk we learned when we were kids about how to get a gold star and stay out of time out. This is the Jiminy Cricket part.

Addicts, criminals, and newborns are all very id driven. In the case of the newborns it's obvious, they don't know anything else. But addicts especially are driven by that instant gratification mentality. Which, on a side note, I believe society at large is becoming very id driven. We live in a world of instant gratification. Push a button, it's there. Turn a switch, it's there.

And we're wondering why there's such an overwhelming problem with addiction in the world today.

For fucks sake.


So if we take it a step further and get into the actual physiological response to the brain it gets a bit more medicall-y sounding. Basically what it comes down to is DOPAMINE. Dopamine is happy juice. It's what our brain releases when it's happy along the "reward pathway."

Why does the brain prefer opium to broccoli?***

The question of addiction has been put that way by Steven Hyman, a former director of the National Institute of Mental Health. The answer involves the nucleus accumbens, a cluster of nerve cells that lies beneath the cerebral hemispheres. When a human being or other animal performs an action that satisfies a need or fulfills a desire, the neurotransmitter dopamine is released into the nucleus accumbens and produces pleasure. It serves as a signal that the action promotes survival or reproduction, directly or indirectly. The system is called the reward pathway. When we do something that provides this reward, the brain records the experience and we are likely to do it again. Damage to the nucleus accumbens and drugs that block dopamine release in the region make everything less rewarding.
In nature, rewards usually come only with effort and after a delay. Addictive drugs provide a shortcut. Each in its own way sets in motion a biological process that results in flooding the nucleus accumbens with dopamine. The pleasure is not serving survival or reproduction, and evolution has not provided our brains with an easy way to withstand the onslaught. In a person who becomes addicted through repeated use of a drug, overwhelmed receptor cells call for a shutdown. The natural capacity to produce dopamine in the reward system is reduced, while the need persists and the drug seems to be the only way to fulfill it. The brain is losing its access to other, less immediate and powerful sources of reward. Addicts may require constantly higher doses and a quicker passage into the brain. It’s as though the normal machinery of motivation is no longer functioning; they want the drug even when it no longer gives pleasure.

MISCONCEPTIONS

What I'm trying to say in all of this is that it is a medically documented issue. That ignorant people beget ignorance. It is my hope that by trying to educate as many people as possible that not only will addicts regain some of their sense of selves through the support of the general public but that in turn it will help prevent the number of addictions in the end. Being an addict makes you a social pariah. Why would you want to come forward and ask for help if people are going to judge you? Why not just keep doing what you're doing and let people think you're fine? This mindset is NOT OKAY with me. Everyone has problems in life and they shouldn't be afraid to ask for help just because some fucktard doesn't understand.

Quitting isn't as simple as, "Well why don't you just stop?" Try telling your body that you don't have to pee anymore, or that you don't need to eat. As you read above your brain has internalized this feeling and taken it to a primitive level that says it needs the dope for survival. At this point it is not a choice.

TREATMENT

There are a variety of treatment programs out there for the whole scope of addictions. I'm pretty sure there are even ones for sex and porn addicts. There are inpatient, outpatient, clinics, 12 step programs, halfway houses, medical aided rehabilitation, homeopathic treatments...

Basically it's whatever works best for the person. And no one is going to get clean unless they want to. You can't force your agenda on somebody else and expect it to work. If they're not ready it just won't work. Some people need the structure and routine of an intense inpatient treatment program, followed up with 12 step meetings forever after. I personally think 12 step programs are another form of brainwashing/addiction, but that's just a personal opinion and not a very popular one.

The rehabilitation programs I plan on working for are the ones that allow the use of medication to not only help the patient come off the drugs in a healthy manner, making it less likely that they'll relapse, but also treat the possible underlying mental health issues that could have contributed to the addiction in the first place. 

And if you think you need help, get it. It takes a stronger person to ask for help than it does to sit back and wait to die. Or to go to jail. Because there's only three ways out of that lifestyle. Recovery, Jail, Death. 

That's it.

PREVENTION = EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION. 

Children are not being taught proper drug facts in school today and the whole "War on Drugs" propaganda is insulting to our intelligence. Open your eyes people... it's everywhere. And the sooner they start teaching that and showing people what it's REALLY like out there, the better our chances are of decreasing the number of drug related deaths.

For any additional information you can look through the links below that I used or check out The National Institute of Drug Abuse if you want to learn more about a specific drug or area. There's all kinds of cool charts and maps 'n shit.

Okay guys, I got serious in this one. Something I saw on Facebook set me off and it made me want to take the time to put an informed piece together. Stop being so goddamned ignorant. Before you judge, turn the mirror back on yourself and look real fuckin' hard. Instead of being judgmental get yourself some balls and learn how to have compassion. Y'know, maybe try and help somebody.





*cdc.gov

**http://www.uscourts.gov/uscourts/FederalCourts/PPS/Fedprob/2006-09/accountability_table1.html

***http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsweek/The_addicted_brain.htm

Friday, January 25, 2013

R.I.P.




Winter is a season of death.

Actually, fuck that. January is a month of death.

Period.

Yes, I realize this is a pretty bold (and morbid) statement, but over the past few years I just keep getting proved right. So many wonderful young people suddenly just... gone. In the past five years I have now had three of my friends die within a week of my birthday. Keaton Flood, one of my best good friends. Marc Parrone, someone I had practically grown up with and who had helped me through a lot of bullshit. Devon Elbe, a kid I used to go to shows with and party with all the time when I lived in Belleville. They were all in different stages of their life and they were all significant to me in different ways. However one thing remains the same...

They're all gone.

Just like that.

In moments like these, when your heart hurts and you're trying to understand why and struggling to accept it, we become afflicted with survivor's guilt. Yes, there is such a thing. We feel guilty that we're the ones that are still here and they're the ones that are gone. We can come up with a million reasons why it should have been us. This sometimes gets incorporated into the bargaining stage of grief. Remember when you were a kid and you'd say something along the lines of,

"Mommy I won't ask for ANYTHING else ALLLLL year if you just buy me this pony right now."

Loss is such an impossibly overwhelming emotion to deal with. In my opinion, it's one of the hardest things I've ever gone through because there is no finite start or finish. It's an infinite process, an infinite feeling. You may find ways to cope with it and accept it, but that feeling, that hole, is still there. Once you've lost something or someone there is never anything that will be able to fill that particular hole in you. Instead, we have to find a way to put a band aid over it, let it heal, and move on.

KUBLER-ROSS MODEL; FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
(yep, I'm gettin' all psych major on you for a second)

1. Denial.
2. Anger.
3. Bargaining.
4. Depression.
5. Acceptance.


Nobody goes through these stages in the exact same way or the same order. And you will be going through the cycle over and over and over throughout your lifetime, it's not something that ever stops. Even as I'm accepting it, I'm still angry about it. Make sense?

Anyway.

To bring some positivity into this otherwise fucking morbid little bit, I try and remind myself that times like these should remind me of how lucky I am to still be here. How lucky we all are. And that to waste the time we have is complete disrespect to those we have lost. They were young and will never have the opportunities that we have and if we pass them up or neglect to fully live we're just proving that their deaths were completely pointless and gave us no meaning. Yes, we want them back. No, we didn't want them to die.

But they did.

And now we should honor their memories by making sure we live like we fucking mean it. Every morning that you wake up is a gift; it's not written anywhere that you have to wake up. There is no rule book for life. The Bible is more of a set of guidelines, really.**

Basically what I'm trying to say here is I'm pretty bummed that all these wonderful people are gone and that I'll never get to hug them or laugh with them again. Hell. I never even got to buy Keaton his first drink at the bar. The fact that he never made it to 21 really bothers me.

But I let that remind me to enjoy my life for them and for me. The sun is out and it's a new day and I am here. When thoughts of them pop into my head I make a wish and know that wherever they are, they're happy. And laughing at us poor suckers stuck down here in the 12* weather.

Never leave without saying goodbye or I love you. Hug the ones you love, often. Keep in contact with the friends you haven't seen in awhile. Smile. Laugh. Live a grateful life.



R.I.P.

Chad Wood
Kevin Hutson
OB
Keaton Flood
Marc Paronne Jr.
Devon Elbe
Jana Gaines

UPDATE:

Leo Mangrum (6/813)

iloveyou.



Saturday, January 19, 2013

the oreo cookie saga.





Colin: "...well, you're just cut from a different cloth than most"

Aly: "That's weird. I don't get that. I'm not that special or anything. 
Why is it so hard for people to be... y'know. Real people?"


I was talking with a friend of mine last night and we were in one of those relationship discussions where she wanted to know my opinion on this and I was listening while she told me what she wanted and expected, the things she was afraid of, and the best parts of what they had so far.

Very sweet to hear.

Totally not something you want my opinion on, however. For starters, everybody knows I'm a jaded motherfucker. A cynic in a world full of ignorant optimism. My rocky past has brought me to where I am now and while it sucks and there are lots of bad memories that give me nightmares, I accept it and embrace it. Because it gives me knowledge and insight into the world around me and allows me to see things and people for what they really are. Most of the time. If my own personal feelings start getting caught up into it, if I lose my objectivity, then it's game on. Once my stupid super-intense emotional state turns on my brain tends to get told to shut up. Stupid hormones. Then again, I guess everybody does that. Maybe my problem is that I'm aware that I'm not thinking clearly, but I can't bring myself to care. And that drives me nuts.

This topic of conversation left me thinking about relationships as a whole, not just romantic ones. Friendships, parent/child relationships, work relationships... Y'know. The whole caboodle. All of them. And I started thinking about how all of this technology that "brings us together" has completely changed our lives. And not just in the little ways. It's cool being able to talk to my friends that live in the city now that I'm out here in the boonies, I'm pumped about that. But take a step back and think about it. For those of you that can remember a time before facebook and text messaging... You passed notes in class and pissed your mom off by running the battery down in the cordless phone every night. If someone didn't answer their phone you left a message and hoped they'd call you back, you didn't blow up their phones with text messages or creep their facebook page and try and find them. You actually had to interact with people. They got to see/hear the real you. I may be able to fake being in a good mood, but you can usually see it in my face when I'm pissed about something. Glass face girl right here.

But with text message and facebooking and skyping and all that stuff... The world now only sees what you want them to see. The best parts of you. All the pictures that I post on facebook? Yeah, it takes me like half an hour to get ONE good picture. I take like 15 before I get a good one. So you see what I want you to see, I don't post the ones where I thought I was making a cute face but it really looks like I stabbed myself in the foot.

When we talk to people they are only showing us the parts of themselves that they want us to see. That is a generalization that can be made in any circumstance. We let people see our crunchy cookie outside, because nobody wants to see the cream filling. All of this mass communication technology puts even more barriers between us and the real world; it adds an extra layer of cookie.

This, my friends, is why people have such a hard time being real anymore. Because why should we have to be real? We'll meet someone, spend time with them, but then spend 80% of our time communicating with them through some sort of robot box. So why worry about being real? You can say "I love you" through a screen but then you miss the look they get in their eyes or being able to feel their heart speed up or watching the blush creep up around their cheeks because you just made their stomach drop to their toes.

Conversely, you can say "I don't want to be with you anymore" through a screen and then you don't have to see the color leave their face or the tears come into their eyes. You don't have to deal with what happens next because you aren't there.

Which, of course, all of the above is total bullshit. These emotions were given to us so that we could experience them in real life, with all the whistles and bells and bullshit that goes with it. We live in such an impersonal world right now, and it's only getting worse.

Yep. I'm an asshole.

But I keep it real.

when i said,
when i said i'd take you
i meant--
i meant as is.





courtesy; ani.difranco.