can we just go back to 1984?

when we were all once kids and kids' dreams

can we just go back to what we had before?

just like in the movies, oh yeah

I did a thing the other day. I bit the bullet and made a video of myself telling my story and posted it on the ole fb and instagrma (hashtagistillsuckatinstagram). Then I couldn't stop re-watching it. It was so insanely cathartic and the more I watched it the better I felt? And I started noticing things about myself that I hadn't seen in a long time. I looked...young. Maybe it was the vulnerability, the honest. I'm about to sound cliche, but I reached down deep inside (I giggled typing that) and found the young Aly that didn't give a fuck and had a voice. Perhaps that's why I looked younger; I was channeling that version. And I am a good story teller and am well spoken when I want to be. And feeling confident.

So I have this idea in my head about how I want my book to be, and I really think I can do it. Oh man. How cool would it be if I published a book? I always said I would. But I never finish anything I start. Like all those short stories. Not to toot my own horn, but those are good. I know they're good. Some of that is the best shit I've ever written. AND i DON'T KNOW HOW TO CHANNEL THAT VERSION AGAIN. Well, I might. I wrote some of my best shit when I was drunkkk. whisky is my muse It's so easy for me to write about sad shit though. Or graphically real shit. I struggle with the fun, faerie story aspect of writing. When I was young I could do it. Maybe age and experience broke that part of me. Or it just went away after years of disuse. I have this one that... oh man if I could remember the storyline it would be so bad ass. I think I was reading A Wrinkle in Time when I started it, maybe I should try that reverse sense memory retrieval thingamagoo and read it. It's a good book, I wouldn't mind a revisit anyway.

I know no one is going to read it (even though it's out in the ether, so I guess there's a chance some keyword shows up on the 4th page of a google search and some hapless soul stumbles upon my ramblings. Yknow what would help trigger my writing skills... reading. I tend to absorb the writing style of whomever I'm reading. Note: I should start reading Steinbeck again. and O. Henry. If I could have a combination of those two authors I'd be jazzed about it. With a dash of e.e. cummings in there too, of course. Yep, that's my style. Or at least life goal style. If Steinbeck + O. Henry + e.e. cummings had a baby that's the type of author I'd like to be.

Oopsie doodle, forgot to finish this. Still gonna post it.

courtsey; siamese.youth/