the pretty reckless.

*DISCLAIMER: If you don't want to read one of my whiny, whiskey fueled rants I suggest against partaking of this particular journal entry. If you're game, then by all means. Go ahead and assume I am most likely blowing things out of proportion and/or exaggerating circumstances. I feel that this should be a given, but just in case you were unaware you have now been warned.. My feelings are hurt and I've been crying for two days. I am therefore allowed to write however I damn well please.

And, per usual, I have provided a soundtrack for the entry. 

Enjoy. Or don't. Whatevs.

i call bullshit, sir.

he regrets having no regrets
and his long nights on the outside
let, letting it slide slide
one more time
...
what do you want?
what do you want to know?
make a decision
it never feels like the right time to go
(what do you want, what do you want to know?)
you think he's a liar
so save your sorrow
...
while you act like you are losing your mind
over whatever truth you find to be a lie
as he fades out of the room
into his mind
...
what do you want?
what do you want to know?
make a decision
it never feels like the right time to go
(what do you want, what do you want to know?)
you think he's a liar
so save your sorrow
...
pick up the pieces of these words
shattered across the floor
with careful hands
you know these words are sharp
and you can read the blood
you can read the blood
(what do you want, what do you want to know?)
...
it spells out everything about a man
who he is and where he's been
you watched his eyes ten thousand times
but you don't see
maybe you're wrong

Okay, so I'm fucking pissed. My feelings are hurt and when I'm sad or mopey I get pissy. And I already hate this time of year. Shall I list the multitude of reasons? yes, I think I shall. (I told you I was going to whine. You thought I was joking, didn't you?)

REASONS WHY ALY HATES DEC-FEB

• Dec 17, 2001: day I almost died and lost my sense of smell. I'm usually left with a feeling of "Why me?" when this day comes around. There are plenty of good people who have died for far better reasons and I did not ---and I'm not even a very good person.
• Christmas just sucks. No explanation necessary.
•  January 21, 2009: Keaton Allen Flood, one of my best good friends, wraps his baby blue Jeep around a light pole and dies on impact.
• January 28, 2010: Marc Parrone Jr., one of my good friends from high school dies from a suspected overdose. 
• January 30: my motherfucking birthday. 
• Feb 14: stupid bullshit corporate holiday that makes single people feel like shit

Please stop saying "Oh you can handle this, you've been through so much already and you're so strong". Fucking'a I am! I'm fucking awesome. (Just ask me, I'll tell you all about it.) Or my personal favorite. "He doesn't deserve a girl like you. He'll never find anyone like you..." blah blah blah. Guys want to fuck me, but they don't want to date me.

Anyway.

Just because I'm awesome doesn't mean I want to be all. the. fucking. time. Am I ever allowed to actually be vulnerable? Or am I just one of those people who just has to be a bad ass every second of every day?

Why is it so hard for people to be real anymore? Is it that hard? Have we gotten so far away from reality that we rely on our fucking internet boxes and mini-robots to communicate for us? If you can look someone in the eye and tell them that you care about them. If you can hold them while they're sleeping and tell them over and over again that you're not going anywhere then you can fucking look them in the eye and tell them when you don't want to be with them anymore. If you can get yourself into the situation then you can damn well get yourself out of it. (god, I sounded like my dad right there.)

My friend says that it's a typical thing these days. Not many people have the courage to do the stand up thing anymore. I call bullshit. Yes, it's hard to look someone in the eye and say "I don't want you anymore." Nobody likes to do it. It fucking sucks. But I think it's harder to look someone in the eye and say "I want to be with you, I care about you." That's open ended, they may not respond the way you want them to. You face possible rejection. Whereas when you're ending it, that's it. It doesn't really matter how they feel because you've already made up your mind right? There isn't any open ended option, it's just done...

if there's one thing i can't take
it's the sound that a woman makes
about 5 seconds after her heart begins to break

I've been referred to as a cold hearted bitch on more than one occasion because I can do this. I am not an asshole that enjoys hurting people, contrary to popular belief. I definitely do not enjoy it. But if I know it has to be done I at least owe it to that person to step up and do it the right way. Why do I have bigger balls than most of the guys I know? Just stop with the bullshit and be up front. How do we ever grow if we never know where we need to re-sow? You may be afraid to hurt their feelings, but you're being a truer person by being honest.

Just so you fucking know.

And this doesn't just apply to romantical type relationships, this is just some real life bullshit. Stop being so afraid to be real. I get told all the time that I'm different than most people. I'm interesting. "I've never met anyone like you before". You know why? Because I tell it like it fucking is. If you're fucking up I tell you. If you ask for my advice I give you my honest opinion. When you need me, I'm fucking there. I'm not afraid to belly laugh in public and make funny faces at babies in line at the grocery store. I listen to Katy Perry full blast and dance like no one's watching. I walk around naked on a regular basis. If you ask me a question, I'll give you an honest answer. You want me? Here I fucking am.

if there's two things that i hate

it's havin' to cook and tryin' to date

bustin' ass all day to play hurry up and wait

that's a few things that i hate

I'm tired of sucking at relationships. I am the master of the dating game. But I suck at relationships. I know I'm terrified to commit, so when I really want to, you know that's a big deal. Why can't that matter? Why don't my feelings ever matter?? Just because I'm strong doesn't mean I'm invincible.




goddamnit.

















The composition of this entry was aided by one Mr. Johnnie Walker. Tomorrow is my day off and he knows I'm on winter break so he decided to come and visit for the evening. Wasn't that sweet of him?

Don't judge me. Just be glad I'm not drinking bourbon. This is truly a public service I'm doing for serious. Hell hath no fury like an Aly drunk on bourbon.





courtesy; minus.the.bear/jason.isbell.&.the.400.unit

poetical genius!

I have a new favorite phrase that I just developed. It is, if I may say, one of my better ones. From the mind that brought you such gems as "what's-her-bucket", "shwigga-mah-shwilly". and "think box" I bring you...





wait for it...

pussy gizmos.

That is all.

welcome to mcwalmart

Okay so you've read all about my problems with the instant gratification society we live in. So many of the social problems (hah, I had that final today) of the world are caused by this mindset. Ever read A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley? If not, do so.

Now my little rants do not, by any means, imply that I am not guilty of any of these things. We are a product of the socities we live in. The difference is that I'm aware of it. Unfortunately my personal influence is, at the best, minute. I'm not even sure my friends pay too much attention to what I'm saying when I go on about these things. It's kind of like when I start talking about the zombie apocalypse. I can talk about it for hours, so I'm pretty sure people start to tune me out after about 5 minutes hahaha.

Anyway.

Welcome to McWalmart.



So your kid's teacher complains that your child is disrupting the class and they think he has attention deficit disorder. You take him to the doctor and with a minimal examination Dr. Feel Good scribbles out a script. There's a pill for rambunctious little boys, didn't you know? Give him his pill and sit him down in front of the PS3. Then you can go off in your benzo induced haze and post stupid memes on Facebook.

NO!

Find activities for your child. Teach them how to entertain themselves! Maybe they're too smart for their own good and have a hard time paying attention because they're bored. You could be seriously limiting their potential for bigger and better things!

So you don't like the way you feel. It's uncomfortable. You're sad. You get anxious when life gets stressful. Your back hurts. Your heart is broken. There's a pill/drug (I'm talking the illegal kind) for that!

NO!

We are being groomed to expect a quick fix for any of our hurts. We aren't accepting the stages of grief in any shape or form, therefore when something happens that isn't controllable or outside our comfort zone we spazz out and want the doctor to give us something to fix it. Or we go to the city and find someone to sell us that happy feeling for 60 bucks a quarter gram.

Suck it up and learn how to deal with shit. Now I understand that there are some legit mental disorders that cause our moods to be uncontrollable. I'm bi-polar and I have medication. But all it does is stabilize my mood. It doesn't make me feel good or bad. It just makes it possible for me to function and make the decision for myself whether or not I want to be happy or sad, instead of letting my brain juice decide it for me.

My latest issue has been with obesity issues. Did you know if current trends continue

90% of Americans will be obese by 2030???

That's less than 20 years from now. SHAPE THE FUCK UP 'MERICA! Reality check time, the drive thru is not serving you real food. Frozen dinners are not real food. And you don't even realize it. And don't get me started on portion control...Your body is not receiving the nutrients it needs from the crap you are putting in it. And you wonder why you're fat and unhappy. The mind follows the body. If you aren't functioning at optimal level you just can't reach full potential. Sure, you function. But functioning is not really living.

With all that being said, here's an article I found while doing a social problems paper, and my response to it.

Pepsi's Fat-Fighting Soda: Too Good to Be True?

           Recently the Pepsi soda company has released an experimental beverage in Japan known as “Pepsi Special”. This drink contains dextrin which, according to the article and medical dictionary, is a fiber that is water soluable that helps regulate the digestive system.  The company claims that by adding this ingredient to their soda the beverage will “suppress the absorption of fat” thereby promising health benefits. The article goes on to discuss the fact that too much of dextrin is potentially harmful and that putting a label on a soda indicating health benefits can inadvertently cause more harm than good.

I think this is absolutely ridiculous. Consumers are constantly trying to find ways to be healthy without actually putting forth any effort. And in reality, there isn’t too much effort to it; you either want it or you don’t. If you truly want to be healthy you will find ways to do so. Looking for an easy fix in a soda product is assinine. To me that’s like trying to put a fire out with gasoline. People who are worried about being overweight or continuing to gain weight complicate simple solutions by looking for a quick fix.

In order to solve the problem of obesity throughout the world the focus needs to be brought back specifically to nutrition and steered away from complete profitability. Items that are usually considered unhealthy, soda, for example, should not be manipulated in such a way as to falsely advertise health benefits. Food is a basic necessity and therefore it will always sell. Companies are putting more effort into packaging and looking for ways to cut costs than actually providing nutritionally sound food. Instead of glamorizing junk food industries should encourage local farmers to grow pesticide free crops and buy from them, which will also stimulate the economy. Nutrition labels should also be clear and provide accurate health information. With a series of small changes and minimal effort by the majority of the population these changes can easily occur.

BAM. Problem solved.

You're welcome.

:D

Hahahaha. Yeah, right. If only it were that easy.

If only I really did have all the answers like I seem to think I do.

Anyway.

If you're interested in other facts on obesity trends in America, the CDC website is very informative and let me warn you, the percentages are scary. I may have posted this on the last blog I did about this topic, but here it is again in case you missed it the first time.

Obesity Trends in America