your garbage can is on fire

it's nothing personal.

today's playlist is epicccccc.

ope

 is it weird that I have somehow linked the duvet cover with my miserable work existence and I'm hesitant to put it back on?

well men may flirt with girls like that, but they don't marry them

APPARENTLY they will.

courtesy;gone.with.the.wind/

concerning hobbits...

not all who wander are lost

You ever hear a song and have no idea where you heard it from and can't remember the name. but you remember the way it makes you feel every time you hear it?

Man, I don't know if I'm explaining this well, perhaps I should provide context. Ahem. 

I typically start my mornings like most folks do, making my way to the kitchen to make coffee. Now, I don't know about the rest of y'all, but I have Robot Ladies (can't say her name for fear of inadvertently summoning her) in the major parts of my house. It helps with my ADHD, I can literally just shoutout "Hey Robot Lady (insert real name, ofc) add bananas to the list" and it does, it's fabulous. Anywho, I digress. The Robot Ladies are perfect for my ADHD ass, and keep me entertained and distracted long enough to help me stay in a room and stay focused long enough to complete a single task before I wander off on a side quest. One of my favorite pastimes is to ask it dumb questions and harass it. For those of you old enough to remember, AIM had a bot that you could ask questions to and talk to called SmarterChild. My bestie and I used to HARASS this bot and get it to say the most outrageous shit, it was glorious. So something along those lines, but with the Robot Lady.  NOTE: ALWAYS BE POLITE! You never know when the robot overlords will overthrow us and turn us into meat batteries. Another fun feature is that it frequently has monthly themes. For instance, when Despicable Me 4 came out it had a minions theme so a minion would greet you in the morning and tell silly jokes and other embarrassingly entertaining interactive elements. Today I asked the simple question of "Do you currently have any themes available?" and it began to serenade me with the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song, followed by a series of other equally awesome symphonic versions of songs. My brain glitched with The Hobbit theme came on, but when I heard it I got this overwhelming sense of peace and calm and warmth... It was a visceral reaction and it brought back some good memories. I love the fact that I can say that I have scene every LOTR and Hobbit movie in theaters.

I find myself spending a lot of time in my memories lately. Perhaps it's part of me rebuilding myself and discovering who I am again. The memories remind me of the other versions of myself and I sift through the good and bad and carefully select the pieces of Me that I want to bring into this version. Like the rocks I carefully search for on the lake bottom I inspect each one, checking for sharp edges or the glint of something shiny in the layers of sediment that have collected over the years to bring that rock into being. I weigh them in my hand, running my palms and fingertips across the surface, inspecting it by touch to decide if it is worth adding to my collection. I leave the heavy ones in the sand, noticing their colors and textures, but know that the rock is right where it belongs. Not gone, not forgotten, but not worth adding to my collection. I like the smooth ones that show the passage of time through the layers found within. The different colors of sediment stacked on each other, the lines blurring together to form a beautiful stone, worthy of my exclusive collection. I want this version to leave the heavy shit in the past, where it belongs, and to realize that there were beautiful parts of me in each version of myself, even if they were hidden by the sharp edges. I want to stack the best parts of myself together and blur the lines of time together to form a beautiful Me, worthy of receiving this next chance at life.

I want to be someone I'd be proud to call friend.

courtesy; jrr.tolkein/