i lied to my friends,
tell them i love to see them,
just to keep me away from me
and it's like they always say-
if you love something give it away
but what are you supposed to do
when you love everything?
when you try to love everything?
Sometimes the words inside me bubble up to the point where I think I'll explode if I don't get them out. Kinda like when you shake up a soda can and pop the tab. It sprays everywhere and covers you in a sticky, toxic mess that takes forever to wash off.
Sometimes I just want to yell gibberish at someone and take out all this pent up rage out on a real person. I mean, I can let it out in all kinds of constructive, non-damaging ways, and I do. But it just isn't the same as letting go and positively unleashing on someone. Volunteers? Anyone?
Sometimes it takes everything I have to not just lose it. I wonder if anyone realizes how hard it is not to care... because I care too fucking much. Life is overwhelming. Not just for me, but for everyone. I think that's what the definition is, actually.
life: n. an overwhelming human condition that classifies each participant as a success or failure.
see also: bullshit; heartbreaking; hard; unfair; surprising.
Sometimes the happy bubbles fill my tum to the point where I think I'll explode and splash my euphoria everywhere. I have a lot of love to give, I'm just kinda picky about where I put it. No take backs on that shit.
Sometimes I wake up and the thought of starting another day, working all day for some future that I'm scared of, all alone... I can't stand it. The weight of it keeps me pressed to the bed, my eyes shut tight against the world. But I still get up, drink my coffee, and put on my game face. Once I'm out in the world and not in my head so much I'm happy. I smile, I love my fucking life. But there are times that this empty feeling is so overwhelming, so heart breaking, that I feel I need to tear it out just to get a moment of peace. That I need to stuff cotton in my ears and glue my eyes and mouth shut in order to keep it all in, so it doesn't go spilling out into the universe. I'm afraid one day I'll open my mouth and start crying and I'll never stop.
But at least sometimes isn't all the time.
I've been drinking whiskey--
this makes for melancholy Aly Bear.
courtesy; diamond.rugs
