arcade fire & red house painters.

every night my dream's the same

same old city with a different name

they're not coming to take me away

i don't know why but i know i can't stay.

 
Guilt sucks. Actually, let me clarify;

guilt really fucking sucks.

I suppose it has its purpose though. It keys up when you're doing things you probably shouldn't. Or, if you've already done said things, it reminds you why you shouldn't repeat them. Y'know, like betraying someone you love, lying, stealing... or, my personal favorite, promising someone that you'll always love them and that you'll always be there for them NO MATTER WHAT and then totally going back on that. No matter what is supposed to mean NO MATTER-FUCKING-WHAT. Love is supposed to be uncon-fucking-ditional. You don't throw away a good thing because shit gets rough.*

But apparently some people do.

that's life.

Anyway.

This is why I will never get married or have children. I will be the crazy old cat lady that sits on my front porch and sprays the neighborhood kids with the hose when they get into my hydrangeas. But then I'll feel bad and bake them brownies. Pot brownies, perhaps. Bahahahaha. No,that's not right. Don't fuck up the kids Aly. I know too many people with children now, they'd probably get pissed at me if I drugged their babies. Well, probably. I mean, they'd sleep pretty good afterwards. For days, in fact. Though that would most likely not go over so well calling into the school,

"Hello Mr. Smith, JoeBob can't come to school today... he's stoned out of his mind. How did that happen you say? The neighborhood cat lady fed him pot brownies. And why have I not had her arrested? Because she gave me some too."

shit's fire. 

i treat you right because you deserve it. 

 

i don't agree, but it's nice that you think so.

Yet another useless brain splooge. I'll probably come back and try and add something interesting to the end of it later. My brain kinda crapped out towards the end there, my muse must have decided to dip out for the rest of the evening... perhaps it had a date with destiny.

[ooo, see that? that's clever. yaygome.]

courtesy;jhonen.vasquez/arcade.fire/elizaveta/red.house.painters

*You should feel guilty for doing this to me; everything else is my personal bullshit.

bonne chance.

the constellation of Orion

is where i'm gonna fly

so if you ever miss me,

just look up-

look up to the sky.

 
I think I actually lost my temper there a little bit... I didn't act on it, which isn't nearly as fun as yelling at someone, but at least I don't feel like an asshole now. Actually, I take that back. I still feel like an asshole for getting mad in the first place because it's petty. But there's no one to apologize to so. That's always a bonus. I've been overwhelmed on an unnatural level the last week or so. It's as if the little seams that hold me together are starting to strain a bit around the edges. My game face is starting to slide. I notice it in little things. I stutter more, which is difficult for me because I know I have the words, it's just a matter of getting them out. Correctly. At the right speed. In the right tone of voice... which isn't always as easy it sounds. Y'know, there are a bunch of other insignificant details that I could go into, but then I just feel like I'm whining. And who wants to read about some silly little white girl's problems. They're not nearly as interesting as Lindsey Lohan's drug problem. Or lack thereof. Who fucking knows.

Hah.

The tornado hitting Harrisburg, IL is absolutely devastating. I wish there was something I could do to help, but I wouldn't know where to begin. Prayers and happy thoughts are the best I can do at the moment, I suppose that will have to suffice. From what I heard on the radio yesterday they had actually reached maximum capacity on the volunteers anyway. Donations will be more helpful, I'm sure. Not like my scrawny ass could do much anyway. Except hugs. I'm a good hugger. But it makes you stop and appreciate the little things... that town isn't too far from my house. And I'd have been utterly screwed considering I slept through the whole damn storm. Dad says he stayed up and watched the sky turn green. I hope the storms of the next few days aren't as bad...

I hate the full moon. It makes my crazy-dar go off kilter.
Being sad sucks, I don't like it.

It's like all sad things wait for the full moon to hit and suddenly jump from my subconscious into my waking thought like,
            "HEY-YO! Thought you were gonna get out of dealing with me didn't ya?! HAHAHA you're fucking gullible. Here, let me bring my buddy Memories of Joey up here with me too, you're not over him yet, in case you thought you were. Hell, let's just have a Negative Nancy Party and bring it all up here. WOOO!"

Yes, I have voices in my head.
And lately, they've been telling me you're full of shit.

Too bad I didn't listen to them years ago, I wouldn't be where I am now.

fuck.

 i don't mean to leave it up to fate

love is just another side of hate

it's flowing through my veins

it burns me from within

the line between the lover

and enemy's grown thin.

too late for this sinner to be saved

your heart is the mystery i craved

you're pushing me too far

you've brought me to my knees

when pain becomes the pleasure

and torture feels like bliss.

odi et amo, odi et amo

meus carus hostilis

(my beloved enemy)

odi et amo, odi et amo

ego exuro vobis.

(i burn for you)

courtesy;elizaveta.<3

draft.

she's only happy in the sun.